Fav Or rejecTion

Favoured by few.. It was one of my darkest period of life. Well, ppl change and I change too..I want to make people hapi and I want them to feel warm with my presence.. However smtime, I shd be held responsible for the sudden change in ppl’s mood. My mood swing can be as bad.. I cant blame others if they cd hardly tolerate my emotional well-being. My friends told me tat I cant hide my feelig.. When I am angry, my face wd be reddish and my ears as well. When I am ashamed, my cheeks wd b blushing.. When I feel sad, i wd listen to my mp3 or keep myself a distance from aders.. And of cause, my eyes wd b teary.. And when I am happy, u wd hear me talking joyfully, tickling others and pulling others legs and sharing funny stories..
Please forgive me for being insensitive.. I noe tat I still need others. Yea, by nature, girl is a social creature.. And others do need me too. But, the difference is, when I am troubled, I would prefer to be left alone, ALL BY MYSELF!! When ppl are trying to comfort me, it would make it far more unbearable.. Ironic effect isnt it? While others feel much better with wrds of comfort, I normally wdnt.
Smtimes, I need ppl to respect my privacy and my decision.. It is hard to say yes when deep inside ur heart is screaming NOOOOooo.. Then, as hesitant, unwilling and reluctant as I originally was, I have to drag my feet for an ovbious reason.. Not to hurt others feeling and not to ruin or spoil one’s day.. What about my feeling then?? Who wd be taking care of it?? Then ol I hav to do is to fake my happiness just to c others happy..
HOWEVER, smtimes, to c others happy wd indeed be an immediate remedy. I may, in the end, turn out to be happy too.. In moment like this, I desparetely need to find my happiness in others to make my reluctance turn to enthusiasm..
When I have denied smbody, it hurts me as well to c their unhappy, gloomy, puppy-like faces. I wd then end up to be angry at myself. When the guilt is overwhelming, then I would normally give in.. At the expense of my own happiness?? Stupid or thoughtful?
Every so often, when I hav no choice but to say no, well, I hope that somebody wd be respectful and understanding. But would he or she?? Ppl can’t just be satisfied at ol times.. I do experience rejection now and again. We just cant push smbd towards the edge if he or she refuses to.. There would be no point of doing so for things wdnt be as fun as it ought to be or desired..
Hmmm.. That’s it for tonight.. Strange that I didnt have a concluding paragraph s I usually did. Ta…